There is a meme I’ve seen on Facebook that asks the question, “have you ever met a kid and thought to yourself, ‘he’s definitely going to grow up to be an asshole’.” And the few variations of, “if you don’t want your kids to be an asshole, stop being an asshole”. I love the way the phrase is worded to circumvent actually calling a child an asshole because let’s face it, someone would call DYFS on you if you did. The child him or herself might call these days. I wish I could say that society has given our youth a sense of empowerment and entitlement but sadly, that crap starts at home. Society, if anything fills their heads with nonsense, gossip, drama and downright stupidity. The parents who haven’t strayed far from this influence and remain immature, perpetuate this problem and are destined to raise the next generation of stupid assholes.
I have been banned from participating in raising the child in question, therefore can not be blamed. I have only been apart of her life for four years and can only go back as far as I know her. Any earlier would only be my husband’s side of the story and I don’t play he said, she said. I can tell you that he never loved his daughter’s mother. They were companions of convenience. You know how typically we stick to what we know in terms of who we are attracted to? Well, she and I are nothing alike and there is no way he loved her half as much as he loves me. That may seem shallow but our love runs deep.
His ex is the typical jaded ex with the power to utilize the child as a pawn to keep my husband right where she wants him, whenever she wants. She was so empowered, or stupid, that she admitted she handed over child support to her oldest son from her first marriage. My husband had no choice. If he said something, his visit with his daughter was somehow rearranged. Grandma was employed at a lawyer’s office and he always thought that gave her the upper hand. Regardless, as any child support paying parent knows, we have no say in where the money goes. At that time he would do anything to spend time with his daughter and his ex knew it. There was definitely some weird, jealous, envious thing happening that seemed to channel into manipulating my husband into seeing his ex along with his daughter. She went as far as asking for rides when her car was in the shop…without the kid, back and forth to work. I know this because they used my vehicle and she has never said thank you (asshole point #1 – no manners). Ok, so as long as she got to work – that was a good thing but come on…how many ex’s do favors for each other? Come on. And for those who claim to still be friends, there is also a meme that says – if two former lovers have been able to remain friends that means they are still in love….or never were. Hmm, so that proves he at least never loved her.
I can’t say whether their daughter was planned or not. My husband was 29 and always wanted children. She, well I don’t know if she is the trapping type. He does not think so. For whatever reasons they ended their relationship I can tell you that parenting principles played a huge role. He had watched his ex with her two sons and could not stand by while his daughter was dominated by such dysfunction. Shortly after we got together, he asked for more time during the school week and the mother’s response was, “You were the one who left the relationship.” Hmm…, really? He explained that his life and living arrangements were so much better than they had ever been. He was no longer paying her parents’ mortgage on a second house they owned to house her and the kids…(to the tune of $1,400 a month, in addition to her cell phone in addition to giving that weekly child support). When he said this to her, she responded with, “how is your life better? You live with someone who threatens to take people to court”. And her signature phrase, “That’s not happening.” She accuses me of threatening to take her to court because I once said, “see you in court”. I was under the impression that my husband had once advised her that the day would come he would take her to court to have more parenting time with his daughter. I did not know that this came as a surprise to her – well according to her, it came as a threat.
Formal stupid asshole move #1: the night before Thanksgiving we get the motion filed by her in the mail. She is asking the court for full custody and all visitation, no overnights, only if I am not present. Now her previous minor asshole moves were during the summer. She would, at the last minute cancel his time with his daughter. She suddenly remembered plans they had made. It all came down to the kid did not like me, primarily for trying to teach her manners. I was on the same page as my husband with parenting ideals and he finally had a partner with which to be a united front. Since his daughter did not like this, mommy exaggerated her already embellished bullshit stories to the court. The thing of it is, we had seen a lawyer earlier that week to nicely and fairly, without insult ask for joint custody and 50/50 visitation. The nonsensical, inaccurate information and straight up lies that ensued for the next two years are the reason parents give up with the hope their children will one day reflect and realize what a raw deal they got because of the other parent.
The memes that say a real dad does this…or parents who use their kids as pawns are that are stating the obvious, however they probably don’t have kids. If they do have children and are posting such memes they have never looked at themselves and acknowledged their part in how their behavior contributed to the asshole decisions the other parent has to make for the sake of their own sanity. What parent doesn’t teach a child manners?! I will tell you, stupid parents. Of course, any parent would go to the ends of the earth for their child and to say it gets to the point where its just not worth it anymore is an asshole thing to say. But I’m telling you, something really fucked up happens in that court room. Stupid is given such a loud voice.
I’ve often wondered why, what happens for one family in a similar situation could differ immensely for another. Now I realize, its the stupid factor. Stupidity is the variable that sets apart one settlement from another. Just like Sully explained to the TSA about his timing compared to the simulations was off. The force of stupidity in our court case was strong with this one. We didn’t have a chance with our hopeful prayers and selfless intentions. I guess we should have just been assholes. The meme with Joe Pesci says it the best; “Top reasons I’m an asshole: #1 You’re fucking stupid, #2 Refer to #1.