When a family court case goes to trial the judge becomes the jury. He or she takes the place of what should be twelve jurors and ultimately decides the outcome of the case. He listens to the testimony, is supposed to read all the documentation and evidence submitted. Who knows if he actually does. We had Judge Wright. I originally thought his name was White which made me snicker since he is in fact a black man. When my step-daughter learned of his race she said, “Well, I ain’t afraid of no black man”. Why would a child say this? A child who can count on one hand how many black families live in her vicinity. Anyway, there is a Latin phrase, tertio parentis, utilized in the courts to signify that the judge will in effect be the third parent in a custody case. The judge is to think and judge as if he or she is that child’s parent. We weren’t informed whether or not the judge actually had any children but we foolishly paid a lawyer $300 an hour to perform a tap dance in front of the judge on our behalf expressing why we should have more visitation with this child. If two parents are having such a hard time communicating and co-parenting how is bringing in a third going to help?
A motion was filed by the mother to control the visitation between her daughter and her ex-boyfriend. She picked up some gossip that I had my children ‘taken away’ by DYFS. Now this was not completely true. I had been blind-sided by my ex-husband with a glorified story of mental illness and abuse, precipitated by his filing for a divorce. This included the mental mommy claim with a side of domestic abuse. He is a foot taller than me and at that time probably 80 pounds heavier. Before I knew it I became a domestic violent offender with supervised visitation. Men can dominate that courtroom with the help of cunty female lawyer with something to prove. I won’t go further into that right now, however, the ex-husband’s lawyer no longer practices law as she was brought up on ethics charges in a separate case. I call that karma.
Somehow my step-daughter’s mother’s motion turned into an anti-me campaign and the dumb bitch won. My husband was ordered to keep us away from each other. This all stemmed from my step-daughter’s stories from her father’s house back to her mother’s house. I was mean. I told to make her bed, I told her to clear her plate and put her dishes in the sink, she had to tell her to put her trash in the garbage and she had to be told not to throw away the flatware. The flatware my mother had since her bridal shower in 1968. When this was explained to her, her comment was, “What’s the big deal?” I have never met a more clueless human being, with the exception of her mother, in my entire life.
If you’ve ever been involved in a family court case you already know the nonsense back and forth with the written complaints and the cross complaints. The He said She said. The emotion that is evoked from the falsehoods and the invalidation of the cross is mind boggling. At $300 an hour, my husband’s lawyer couldn’t even get details right. The court system is so non-detail oriented where the path to justice veers so far off course that the original argument gets lost. Justice is supposed to be blind but from my experience, she might be deaf and dumb as well.
This custody battle became less and less about what was best for my step-daughter and more and more about her and her mother’s misdirected heartbreak. How the professionals involved could not see this, pause and re-direct those two to therapy is beyond me. It was nothing but a disservice to all involved. I begged my husband to just divorce me so the judge might get to the true heart of the matter. His daughter was struggling in life as a whole. She presented with ADD which kept her from focusing on anything. She could not retain any information worth knowing. She could not discriminate the information she was picking up on and to make matters worse, both parents were in complete denial. Her mother often exclaimed her academic failures were the fault of the teachers. The child blamed me. Her inability to follow rules was overlooked because rules do not apply and therefore do not need to be addressed. This kid was given so much power over the course of her short life there was no incentive for her to improve anything about herself or learn something new except what was going on with the Karadashians.
My husband’s primary reason, aside from loving his daughter, in wanting to fight for more time was to become more involved in her school work and teach the kid basic manners. She had none. Up until then he saw his daughter on weekends and one evening a week for dinner. Of course this is ample time especially without court intervention but her attitude was beginning to suck, she had no manners, no discipline, no respect for authority and she hated me. Her ADHD was beginning to adversely affect her schooling and her mother refused to discuss it or even acknowledge it. We made so many adjustments to our household with regard to chores and expectations but it got us nowhere. In fact, she just added this to her powerful abilities to manipulate every environment she was in. My husband lived in fear because his lawyer bill was mounting and the thought of not being able to see his daughter and keep his wife was creating enormous stress yet his daughter would not stop fibbing back to her mother and my mother-in-law with ferocious stories.
The list goes on and on of the bullshit she fed her extended family all making me out to be the most wicked. Her tales were so bad her mother found it necessary to contact DYFS to have me investigated for inappropriate sexual discussion in front of her. The charges were unfounded, as they were the myriad of occurrences DYFS was called. Once my step-daughter realized the attention this brought about she began texting and face-timing her father with abusive accusations from her mother. She sent pictures of scratches on her arms, red marks on her neck. Hysterical texts read, “she’s going to hurt me I’m so scared”. Upon further inquiry, she would never discuss what happened at the onset of these events knowing full well she would be to blame. She even said to me, I don’t want to tell you because I don’t want to get in trouble. Her mother would always discuss her side of the story with my husband yet when the accusations come from the other side, the ex listened only to the kid.
So even with DYFS involved with this self-imposed drama finding absolutely nothing of substance the court still accused me of “inappropriate” comments and went as far as calling my behavior, bizarre. So what is to be learned by all this? Should I have been afraid of the black man? Having that third parent helped the mother in this case since her daughter was able to convince everyone that I was unfit to be a step-mother. Then there were three; mom, dad and the black judge wright. The judge had the power to take my husband’s queen in this judicial game of chess leaving him defenseless with only his pawn, the lawyer. His ex, the rook, who could only go back and forth and side to side still had her King the judge and her Queen the cunt of a lawyer. Or maybe her lawyer was the pawn, too and my step-daughter her Queen. Either way, having three parents is a perfect example of why they say two is company and three is a crowd.